Are you in a situation where you’re afraid to divorce because of money? Money and finances are one of the biggest fears post divorce.
These fears can even stop us from getting divorced. But what you need to realize is it’s actually natural to feel panic about money in the lead into a divorce. You just need to ensure it doesn’t impact on you making the best decisions for your future.
Generally these fears fall on divorced women more than men. You educated yourself early in life, but then stopped work to have your children. It was then a little harder to get back into the workforce in some cases. All this time, you realize you hadn’t been contributing to your retirement fund. Knowing that women live longer, that can be scary.
Can you see why women might end up being scared of divorce and financial ruin?
One of the key goals at Option 29 is to transform your relationship with money, so you can make better financial decisions. Let’s start…
How money mindset affects you through divorce
Before we look at separation and money, you need to identify where your money mindset stems from. For the vast majority of us, it stems from the conditioning of our parents.
Maybe you grew up poor, so you always saw poverty and scarcity around you. Maybe your parents went through a challenging financial period or event that unconsciously taught you that money may run out. Or, for many of us, it was constantly hearing phrases like “money doesn’t grow on trees” or “money is the source of all evil”.
If you’re always feeling a sense of fear or uncertainty, then as you move through a divorce you may be so grappled with fear that you miss opportunities or lack the courage to take action on them.
It may even result in you ending up doing something spiteful towards your ex-partner because the scarcity and fear has taken a hold. This doesn’t benefit anyone.
Or worse, if you’re in an unhappy marriage, it will prevent you from taking the first steps towards starting the divorce process. Or putting in place a proper plan for your financial future.
Check in with your money fears
So, what are your divorce money fears, and why are you scared to divorce? Where does being afraid of divorce because of money stem from?
We can all go through the steps to ensure we’re ready for divorce. But if our mindset isn’t right, we may not follow through.
Here are a few fears that may have run through your mind at one point. You may have a fear of:
- Not getting a fair share during the divorce
- Running out of money
- Not having clarity around your daily expenses and lifestyle changes
- A lack of money in your retirement fund
- Not knowing what assets you’ll have
- Your ex-partner and their divorce attorney cleaning you out
What I want you to do for each of the fears you have is to write down: What evidence do you have to prove that this belief is true? Or is this a false belief that’s become real?
Did you previously run out of money after divorcing? Often, we don’t have any evidence to support that belief.
Increase your financial literacy and awareness
One of the best things you can do if you’re afraid to divorce because of money is to increase your financial literacy and awareness.
Firstly, what’s your reality? We hear of people who are financially fit but still constantly fear they’ll have nothing. That scarcity mindset is so entrenched in them that they still believe money will run out. This is where working with a divorce coach can help you check in with your reality.
When I work with you to look at your money, we look at your financial scenario. How does that compare to your mindset? Checking in with your mindset when it comes to money is imperative.
In fact, what I often deal with are people wanting to hypothesize. You cannot make an educated guess when it comes to the actual dollars you will need to live and survive every day. Not knowing this will prevent you from setting goals that will help you transition into thriving.
You don’t want to hypothesize because it’s not a scientific test. You want to actually gauge your needs based on what we currently know. And we don’t just mean life after divorce, but also what is the cost of divorce proceedings.
Ensure you have a financial plan for divorce
When we’re looking at your money — whether in a coaching session or through the Preparing For Divorce Financial Health Assessment Workbook — we look at the past three months of your spending. Chances are in the past three months you’ve lived in accordance with the way your life typically goes. This is probably how it’s going to look going forward.
From there we can:
- itemize and categorize your finances,
- look at the money coming in and the money that’s going out.
- report the typical expenses that you can expect post divorce,
- address annual costs — things like homeowner’s association, registering cars, and paying taxes
After this, you’ll no longer afraid to divorce because of money.
Your scenario is unique. In our post divorce financial planning tool, the Preparing For Divorce — Financial Health Assessment workbook, you can sit down and look at where you have been and then create the best financial plan going forward.
This is especially important in transition because you need to understand:
- what you need to ask an expert,
- what your finances have previously looked like,
- where you need your finances to be now.
This is also crucial because legally we do not want to ask our attorneys to make something mandatory on paper that’s just not going to be possible once the partnership dissolves.
Don’t forget to include the divorce itself. Factor in the cost of divorce lawyers, a divorce coach and any other people you feel you’ll need on your team.
Still afraid to divorce because of money?
Do you still see yourself having a broke mindset? Or are you wondering how to separate from your husband with no money? Maybe it’s separating from your wife?
Start with educating yourself through financial resources to give yourself the best support after divorce. Through the Preparing For Divorce — Financial Health Assessment Workbook you can become your own financial planner. Just as you would create a plan for your physical health, put in place a plan for your financial health. Doing so will help you move out of an unhappy marriage and into a joyful new life.
Understand the costs of divorce, figure out what you will need to live on post divorce to avoid future difficult times, and get yourself some financial advice and support — either a divorce coach, financial advisor or both to help you gain financial independence.
Start by grabbing a copy of the Preparing For Divorce — Financial Health Assessment workbook here.