Do you believe that thriving through divorce and going beyond merely coping is possible for your separation journey? Having been through the divorce process myself and guiding others through it, I’ve seen that the stress and the sleepless nights are really not necessary.
You can get through this challenging time with greater ease when you:
- have the knowledge and resources,
- have a support system in place,
- clearly understand what it is you want and need to create the life you want.
And I mean creating tangible and meaningful things in your life.
Once you’ve seen the signs divorce is happening, you need to ensure you do all you can for yourself, so you’re not just coping through divorce, but truly thriving.
I’ve identified five key areas to focus on to help you achieve that:
Find A Spiritual Path
Much healing and self development can happen when we choose to follow a healing path. You may choose to reconnect with a faith you grew up with, or you look for a new spiritual practice. Either way, connecting with a power greater than yourself will allow you to get your power back. And this is important for when the doubts or the negative influences in your life creep in.
For example, I’ve heard many say they believe God might punish them for choosing divorce. After all, in our vows we say “for better or worse, in sickness and health, until death do us part”.
But if you go inward and answer the question: “Did I do all I could to make my marriage work?”, then the answer will help keep you strong along your path. Sure, you may come in contact with people who criticize your choice or don’t understand. But you likely have just as many people, if not more, who support you.
Life can be quite chaotic during divorce. To thrive, I encourage you to find the space to go inward and connect with a higher power.
Some even talk of a “spiritual divorce”. This means using your divorce to improve your life. You look at the experience as something that improves your life, rather than it being viewed as a negative or creating loss.
Develop An Emotional Support System
Looking after your own emotional health during a divorce is a critical aspect to truly thriving through divorce. When we feel highly emotional, we don’t make clear and rational decisions. When we can take the emotion out of the situation, our decisions are more logical and we achieve better outcomes for ourselves.
That’s not to say you should bury your emotions — far from it. It’s important you understand what the different stages of divorce grief are. If the stage requires a soppy movie and a box of tissues, then embrace that. It’s all part of the healing process.
But as you move through, you then need to find ways to manage emotional periods or triggers.
Even just knowing your emotional triggers is a great first step. Then come up with the strategies that will work for you to pull yourself out of your deeply emotional state to stand back and look at the situation logically.
We often regret the decisions we make when we’re feeling deep sadness, anger or resentment towards another because of the wounds from divorce. Be the person who makes the best possible decisions for themselves.
Physical Health For Balance
If you’re letting your physical health and self-care suffer because of guilt, time or other responsibilities, you need to shift your thinking. Otherwise, you won’t be thriving through divorce, but rather barely managing.
The reason is that when you don’t attend to self-care, it puts everything else out of balance. Right now, creating balance in your life should be key — and one of the areas you can achieve that is through self-care.
Everything that happens in your life you hold in your physical body. So it’s important to help keep your physical body healthy by regularly moving it and fuelling it with good food.
That exercise and food helps with providing clear thoughts, balancing emotions and relieving stress. Take that a step further by combining:
- physical activity,
- good food,
- meditation, and
- a strong network of support,
to achieve a positive flow-on effect for your mental health.
Physical activity doesn’t have to mean a demanding work out. Do something that brings you joy. Maybe it’s dancing with friends, walking through a favorite park or signing up to team sports.
Be Financially Fit
Were you the person in the relationship responsible for the finances? If not, it can be stressful to suddenly have to deal with rent or a mortgage, insurances, utility bills, school fees and grocery bills.
Investing in financial education will go a long way to ensure you’re set up money-wise and will help you better prepare financially for divorce.
Look at:
- assets you have together,
- all paperwork to see what accounts, policies and bills you need to adjust,
- creating a budget to achieve certain financial goals.
Burying your head in the sand about finances or never paying bills on time because it feels too hard will only lead to heartache. I’ve worked with clients who were struggling financially and felt shame and embarrassment about their situation. By helping them set a simple budget that ensured they could still enjoy life, set them free.
I love encouraging people to come with a blank slate. I want you to leave all your beliefs about money behind, and to work with me to create something that works for your life and achieves financial security.
Know Your Legal Options
You may not have had to deal with lawyers or go through litigation in your life, which can make the thought of going through divorce and separation even more daunting.
You may feel overwhelmed by the legal terminology and different types of laws. It can leave you feeling uneasy.
The steps already outlined here for thriving through divorce will ensure you take the emotion out of the legal process. Litigation is easier when you’re not both highly emotional.
The other step is to educate yourself. A good divorce lawyer or attorney will educate you right from the initial consultation. They will even help you understand the different ways you can proceed with your divorce — self representation, mediation, court system, and collaborative divorce.
Your situation is unique, so you need to ensure the way you handle your divorce will work best for your circumstances.
Will You Be Thriving Through Divorce?
Move beyond survival mode, so you’re truly coping through divorce. Make sure your divorce survival story isn’t completely focused on pain, but rather a confident person who’s creating a strong future for themselves. By doing this, you set yourself up for thriving after divorce too.
If you feel you need a deeper level of support on any or all of these topics, or want to learn exercises and strategies to thrive in each of these areas, sign up for Privately Preparing For Divorce.
It is a do-it-yourself training class you can undertake from the comfort of your own space. It’s a program where 14 licensed divorce experts and professions educate you on how you can prepare for divorce. In addition, the knowledge you will gain will empower you.
